June 28, 2009

Re: Don't Even Reply:

VIA Today On The Interwebs

Don't Even Reply is a website by a prick who messes with people and then posts the results online.  According to John, the prick: "This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. These are the ones that succeeded." He explains further:
Why don't they just ignore you?
Most of them do. I'd say only 10% of people I write to write back.

What is with all the different names you use?
They are all me, just different e-mail accounts.

HEY! I recognize myself in one of these e-mails, you prick!
No you don't. You're wrong. Go away.

Why are a lot of these e-mails sexist?
It seems to piss the women off more. I'm not really sexist or racist, but I still find it hilarious.

How can I contact you?
Put up a classified ad, and try to sound like an idiot. I'll find you.

No seriously. I want to give you money.
In that case, john@dontevenreply.com. I'll try to respond, but I do get a lot of e-mails so don't think I am a jerk if I don't."

And here are some samples, enjoy! 

Original ad: 

litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.

From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org 
I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them? 

From Shannon ******* to Me 
Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them? 

From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* 
To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him. 

From Shannon ******* to Me 
That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious. 
From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* 

I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger. 

From Shannon ******* to Me 

And a second:
"Original ad:
if anyone wants a ride from baltimore to nyc tomorow let me know! i am driving up there sometime tomorow afternoon and would be glad to help someone out if they want to throw up some money for gas. i drive a hybrid, so i wont need much!
From Mike Partlow to *************@*********.org

I do need a ride to New York tomorrow. That would be great. My only concern is the fact that you drive a hybrid car. I don't want to give people the idea that I care about the environment. Do you have another, more manly car that we could ride up in? I really don't want to be seen in a hybrid. I'll gladly compensate you for gas.

From christine ********* to Me
no all i have is my hybrid. what is the big deal, who cares what people think? u should be glad to help the enviroment!

From Mike Partlow to christine **********
I'm sorry Christine but it isn't the 60's anymore. People aren't a bunch of earth-saving hippies that run around and hug trees anymore. Does your car have tinted windows? I really don't want to be seen riding in that bitch-mobile. My only request is that you stop by a lake somewhere so I can dump a can of motor oil in it, to make up for all of the earth that your car will be saving. Don't worry, I'll pay for the motor oil.

From christine ********* to Me
wtf is wrong with u! im not giving u a ride ur a jerk!!!

From Mike Partlow to christine **********
Well I am sorry you won't have the privilege of riding with me. Fortunately for me, I found a better, more badass ride to NYC. I'll be sure to wave at your crappy little hybrid as we pass you in our F-350, spraying cans of aerosol out the window and throwing empty six-pack holders into the sea.

No comments: