Cafepress Ruined My Life:

READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE HERE


"The new Cafepress policy was announced one month ago and went into effect May 31st. Shopkeepers are reporting losses of 50-80%, livelihoods are being decimated. For some people, especially the disabled and housebound, lives are being ruined. And the truly sad part of this—the better you did on Cafepress the worse this is. The truly successful ones gave up their day jobs and devoted themselves to this company's and their own mutual success. Some have been at it for years. Now, even the $100,000 winners might make no more than $20,000 after taxes. That's barely a living anymore. For a family, in some areas, that's not even above the poverty level."

Bacon Explosion Now Available Ready-To-Eat:

Via By Owen Morris



Here's an update on the bacon explosion guys, Aaron Chronister and Jason Day. The two amateur barbecue enthusiasts' recipe for bacon-stuffed-in-sausage-stuffed-in-bacon took the Internet by storm, landing them on the pages of the New York Times and with a six-figure book deal.

Since then, countless people have tried to make the bacon explosion. But the original was smoked for hours, and because many people don't own smokers they tried to make it on grills and in ovens with varying degrees of success.

To help solve the problem, Chronister and Day are now selling a "fully smoked heat and eat" version on their Web site, BBQ Addicts. It's packaged in Missouri and shipped in dried ice.

"We wanted to release it in time for the Fourth of July," Chronister explained, "but it took a month and a half to get the USDA approval and we missed by a couple days. But hey, there is still Labor Day."

Since these packaged bacon explosion is already smoked and cooked, it doesn't need fancy equipment.

"All they've got to do is put them on the grill or in the oven or even
the microwave and they're completely smoked and ready to go," Chronister said. "I've been
making mine in the oven because there's still some fat on them and on
the grill it could catch fire. But grill works fine."

The bacon
explosion retails for $17.99 for a half (feeds six) and $29.99 for
a whole (feeds 10-12). Chronister and Day are also working on getting the explosion into grocery
stores and elsewhere including a famous barbecue restaurant. "The restaurant is very well-known ... it has
multiple locations and people will be able to go in and just pick one
right up."

They're halfway through writing their book, Barbecue Makes Everything Better, which is about "taking everyday recipes and making barbecue versions of
them." And they will release a version of their burnt finger rub.

They've
both kept their days jobs, but the bacon explosion takes up the rest of their time, Chronister said. "We work 24/7. Especially this packaging and with the USDA ... we're counting on people liking it and I believe they will."

Want to make 80K a year? Try casting a spell:

LONDON (Reuters) – Fancy 80,000 dollars a year on a stress-free job with flexible working hours and no need to wear a suit?

Well, grab your black pointy hat, take out that rusty black hessian drape from the back of the wardrobe and refresh your memory on how to turn your grumpy neighbor into a mouse. Somerset tourist attraction Wookey Hole caves is advertising for a "witch" and has already received 100 applicants since the beginning of the week.

Legend has it that the caves, near Wells, were home to the Wookey Witch who was turned to stone by the medieval Abbott of Glastonbury to rid villagers of her curse.

The vacancy has arisen because the previous incumbent has retired.

The successful candidate, who will be living in a "spacious" cave, has to cackle, not be allergic to cats and will be asked to perform "a range of tasks" including magic at an open audition scheduled for July 28.

But the appointee need not be scary.

"We want a friendly witch with a devilish element," said Gayle Pennington, marketing assistant at the caves said on Wednesday.

"We're a family attractions place so we don't want to frighten the children."

In keeping with modern times, the role is open to men, women and trans-gender witches to comply with sexual discrimination laws.

Zombie Little Ponies:

Flickr user dbx1 has created a lovely series of zombie My Little Ponies.
My Little Zombie Ponies.

Re: Don't Even Reply:

VIA Today On The Interwebs

Don't Even Reply is a website by a prick who messes with people and then posts the results online.  According to John, the prick: "This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. These are the ones that succeeded." He explains further:

FAQ:
Why don't they just ignore you?
Most of them do. I'd say only 10% of people I write to write back.

What is with all the different names you use?
They are all me, just different e-mail accounts.

HEY! I recognize myself in one of these e-mails, you prick!
No you don't. You're wrong. Go away.

Why are a lot of these e-mails sexist?
It seems to piss the women off more. I'm not really sexist or racist, but I still find it hilarious.

How can I contact you?
Put up a classified ad, and try to sound like an idiot. I'll find you.

No seriously. I want to give you money.
In that case, john@dontevenreply.com. I'll try to respond, but I do get a lot of e-mails so don't think I am a jerk if I don't."

And here are some samples, enjoy! 

Original ad: 

litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.

From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org 
Hi, 
I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them? 
Mike 

From Shannon ******* to Me 
Mike, 
Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them? 

From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* 
Shannon, 
To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him. 
Mike 

From Shannon ******* to Me 
That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious. 
From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* 

Shannon, 
I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger. 

From Shannon ******* to Me 
NO.

And a second:
"Original ad:
if anyone wants a ride from baltimore to nyc tomorow let me know! i am driving up there sometime tomorow afternoon and would be glad to help someone out if they want to throw up some money for gas. i drive a hybrid, so i wont need much!
From Mike Partlow to *************@*********.org

Hello,
I do need a ride to New York tomorrow. That would be great. My only concern is the fact that you drive a hybrid car. I don't want to give people the idea that I care about the environment. Do you have another, more manly car that we could ride up in? I really don't want to be seen in a hybrid. I'll gladly compensate you for gas.
Mike

From christine ********* to Me
no all i have is my hybrid. what is the big deal, who cares what people think? u should be glad to help the enviroment!

From Mike Partlow to christine **********
I'm sorry Christine but it isn't the 60's anymore. People aren't a bunch of earth-saving hippies that run around and hug trees anymore. Does your car have tinted windows? I really don't want to be seen riding in that bitch-mobile. My only request is that you stop by a lake somewhere so I can dump a can of motor oil in it, to make up for all of the earth that your car will be saving. Don't worry, I'll pay for the motor oil.
Mike

From christine ********* to Me
wtf is wrong with u! im not giving u a ride ur a jerk!!!

From Mike Partlow to christine **********
Well I am sorry you won't have the privilege of riding with me. Fortunately for me, I found a better, more badass ride to NYC. I'll be sure to wave at your crappy little hybrid as we pass you in our F-350, spraying cans of aerosol out the window and throwing empty six-pack holders into the sea.

Brown Sugar Bacon Waffles:

Via TASTES LIKE BURNING : SUBSCRIBE to this AWESOME food blog!

A pool of maple syrup, into which I will plunge.

Brown Sugar Bacon Waffles.

Do I have your attention yet? Yes, that’s right, I said waffles, and bacon, and brown sugar, and ohmygod! So back when I lived in North Carolina, there was a popular breakfast joint in my town named Elmo’s Diner. On their large menu of breakfasty-goodness there was one item that never failed to take my breath away – the bacon-waffle. Just finishing one of these monstrosities of deliciousness was a difficult task, once properly slathered with butter and real maple syrup. Yes, my friends, it is a heart attack on a platter, an untimely (but scrumptious!) early death just waiting to happen… and I loved him. It was a love that dare not speak its name – the kind of guilty pleasure indulgence food straight from the fatty-food-lovin’-Paula-Deen-butter-guzzlin’-southern-nation. You try and hate on it, but in the end you just can’t… because you’re too full.

Since moving away, there have been many things I’ve missed, and that bacon waffle is one of them. Since recently purchasing a Belgian-waffle iron, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of recreating this masterpiece. My first attempt was okay – decent tasting waffle (if a bit heavy), and delicious bacon crumbles. It definitely satisfied, but it wasn’t the kind of gluttonous, beautiful meal I remembered. So what do I usually do in the face of such a challenge? Go to the interwebz, of course! A bunch of googling later, I had some contender recipes, but none that really called to me with the promise of that long lost waffle of love. Until I found this one. The title, the pictures… I was sold. “I must make these,” I said, “and they will be awesome.”

Next step? Tracking down the best possible bacon available for this noble enterprise. I recently discovered a little butcher shop down the street from my work that puts out some of the best meat products I’ve seen in years. On splurge-nights, the boy toy and I get ourselves a big honkin’ rib eye (I’m talkin’ the couple-inches-thick kind) and proceed to have a steak better than a lot of restaurants I’ve been to recently. Their smoked products are out of this freakin’ world, and I was overwhelmed with joy upon finding they offered bacon in both hickory and apple wood smoked varieties. I scurried home with a pound of some of the most beautiful, thick-cut bacon I’ve ever had the pleasure to own or eat (hickory, in this instance).

Homer Simpson voice: "Mmmmmmm... bacon!"

What intrigued/thrilled me the most about this particular bacon-waffle recipe was the semi-candying of the bacon itself under a veil of brown sugar. It seemed, to the imaginary taste buds in my head, to be a great way to incorporate that sweet-salty-meaty-hot combo I love so dearly. So, like any recipe I stumble across, I made a few adjustments and plunged right in:

Brown Sugar Bacon Waffles

(adapted from Joy the Baker)

Step One: cut a hole in the box… um, er, I mean prepare the candied bacon!

The original recipe says to use 10 slices of bacon – which I did – but mine were so thick and luscious, I had to make a few adjustments in the baking time. My 10 slices were just shy of a whole pound, but ymmv depending on the brand and thickness of your bacon.

Lay your bacon out in a baking pan of some sort, with a tall enough edge to contain all the fat that will render off without splashing when moved. In order to fit in my pan I had to overlap the pieces a bit – this is okay. Sprinkle the top of your bacon layer generously with the following mixture:

• 1/4 cup brown sugar


• 1/8 tsp. onion powder


• 1/8 tsp. garlic powder


• 1/8 tsp. smoked paprika


• fresh ground pepper (to taste)

I only bake with the prettiest possible spices.

It's a BACONSCAPE!

My bacon sparkles in the sunlight.

Bake this lovely concoction in a preheated 375-degree oven for 20-30 minutes, again based on the thickness of your bacon. Mine took 30 minutes, while the original recipe called for only 20. I suggest checking it at 20 minutes and adding more time as necessary. You want the bacon to look crisp but not burned. Immediately transfer out of the greasy sugar sludge with tongs to a cutting board to cool (don’t use paper towels for draining – the bacon will stick!). Once cool, chop it into happy bits of a size amenable to the chef (too big and they will make your waffle iron difficult to close, so be wary). Make sure to eat a few to make sure that they are okay… then a few more… oh crap, remember to save some for the waffles!

Bacon candy! *drool*

Now the waffle batter!

• 2 3/4 c. all-purpose flour


• 1/4 c. cornstarch


• 1 tbsp. baking powder


• 1 tsp. baking soda


• 1 tsp. salt



• 1/4 cup brown sugar


• 1/2 cup canola oil


• 4 large eggs


• 2 tsp. vanilla extract


• 2 1/2 cups buttermilk (I use 6 tbsp. buttermilk powder + water)

In a large bowl combine flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, salt and brown sugar (if using powdered buttermilk substitute, add it here to the dry ingredients).  Whisk to blend.  In a  medium bowl, whisk together eggs, oil, buttermilk (or water, if using powdered buttermilk) and vanilla extract.  Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and fold.  Once almost fully incorporated, add the bacon bites.  Stir.  Try not to over mix the batter or the waffles will become tough.  It’s ok if a few lumps remain in the batter.

Cook according to your waffle machine instructions. Generally, you should watch the steam coming off of your iron – when it starts to slow down or stop, your waffle is probably ready. It can take a while to get through all the batter – I made at least 8 Belgian-waffle sized lovelies from my batch (hard to count when they keep getting eaten). What should you do to pass the time while your waffles are cooking? Well, if you’re me, you start eating waffles! And drink beer, that’s always a good choice (it pairs very nicely with both waffles and pancakes, I’ve found). In desperate times, get out a laser-pointer and make your cat run in circles around the kitchen floor. That’s always good for a laugh! Next thing you know, your waffle will be done!

Hot, steamy waffles!

One of these days she'll catch that damn laser spot!

Behold! The first bacon waffle! (and there was much rejoicing)

Serve immediately (can keep warm in a low oven while batches finish), topped with real maple syrup (none of that fake stuff, you pansies!) and butter if you dare. Be prepared for moans of ecstasy to escape the mouths of you and your loved ones. Make this for your date and he/she will imminently propose marriage, simply to have these waffles of love be a regular part of his or her meal schedule. Warning : Waffles-of-Love have been known to cause pregnancy in certain circumstances. Please practice safe syrup.